Friday, June 11, 2010



It's been six or seven weeks since I'm off my meds. Is this it? I don't feel significantly different, unfortunately. Were the effects so weak, and the side effects so strong? Fuck!! What a waste of 8 years! All of my bad habits have gotten worse with age. All of my good habits (?) haven't changed or have gotten weaker.
I'm new and improved!! I'm more angry, more depressed, and more pathetic than ever before!!!
I move from depression to distraction. I don't have the energy for obsession anymore. (at least that gave me something to DO)
54 1/2 years and counting. I've done nothing, I've accomplished nothing, I've learned NOTHING. Or as Edison said, "I now know several thousand things that don't work,"
yay. NOW what?

Wednesday, June 2, 2010


In which I try to buy pants

I think the last time I attempted to buy clothes for myself was around 4 years ago. My jeans are faded, stained, and starting to show holes. I went to the outlet mall, where a friend suggested Aeropostale as a store that carried jeans made in America. While this may be true, they were apparently in worse shape than the jeans I was wearing at the time. There, on the rack, were jeans that were worn, stained, and full of holes. For twenty bucks.
But they didn't have my size.
So, across the street we went to another outlet store, at least the jeans were near the beginning of their life cycle and not the end. Made in Mexico, which I think is fine. The more jobs there are in Mexico, the less likely the fuckers are to come over here. Tried on a couple pair, found my size, which unfortunately hasn't changed much in 25 years. Wanted the low cut, since they fall down there anyway, but they didn't have that with a strait leg. Probably 10,000 pairs of pants in the store, didn't have what I wanted. So I got "regular fit," took them home. They didn't fit. Way, way too big. Goddamit. Had to go back, trade them in for ones that fit, but didn't have the strait leg I wanted. So I got fricking bell bottoms, for fucksakes. Cause the fit, sort of. 36 waist I couldn't even get the button closed. 38's are a little loose. Now I need a belt. They didn't have anything that was real leather. Went to several different stores, the closest I came was some sort of "leather amalgam" of leather particles and glue. You can tell by bending it in half. If it cracks, it's the leather and glue crap, masquerading as "real leather." Fucking pirates. You have to read the fine print on everything anymore.
So we went to multiple stores, no luck. Finally found ONE belt that was both real leather and actually fit. This is why I hate shopping.

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