Monday, December 1, 2008



It sucks to be me. I don't mean that facetiously, it is mostly true. I suffer from chronic depression, the many several meds I consume every day takes the 'edge' off, but I'm still depressed. The difference between depression with meds and depression without is my ability to function, at all. Without them I would just stay in bed, and never get up.
I fought it for many years. I was young and stubborn, and had the energy to fight. After a few decades, I ran out of energy. I didn't run out of depression. I don't have the energy to fight it. The meds keep me on an even keel, that's about it.
My wife is very tolerant of me. Without her, I would have nothing. I wish I could adequately express that feeling, but the meds take the edge off. The highs and the lows, the wonder and amazement that can be life, gets dulled. The "good" emotions as well as the "bad" emotions get blunted, everything is reduced to shades of grey.
Being medicated is like wearing a strait jacket in public so you don't punch somebody in the nose because they looked at you funny.
It sucks to be me.

I am so glad you are you. I was just talking with David about your slightly skewed towards the dry, sarcastic, cynicist's humor has always appealed to me. Especially when accompanied by your slightly under your breath, shoulders rolling and head bobbing laugh that kind of said, you might not get this, but I always did.

I am sorry that the meds dull stuff for you, but I am sure glad that they make your life a bit less edgy.

btw: can I add this blog or your other one to my blog roll? perhaps you might do the same?

The memory of your hug the last time we met still warms me up!

thanks, Deb. I needed that. I guess i should read the comments once in a while, but it appears as of now, you are the only one!
And yes, you can add me to your blog roll if you want.
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